An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
“Well, hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences.
The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “Tale of Two Cities” and she gave birth to twins.”
“That?s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the Three Musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets.”
The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the Forty Thieves!!!”
One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn’t stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby’s ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full.
“Here’s the problem,” the doctor explained. “He just needs to be changed.” The perplexed father remarked, “But the diaper package specifically says it’s good for up to 10 pounds!”
Why do people say, “slept like a baby”? They wake up every two hours to cry, poop, pee and spit up.
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”
The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled, “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”
If American mothers use miniture forks and spoons to feed their babies, do Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
A woman and a baby come into the doctor’s office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor.
After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, “Is he breast fed or on the bottle?”
“Oh…he is breast fed!”, replied the woman.
“Well then, strip down to your waist,” orders the doctor.
She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table.
The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.
The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says –
“No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don’t have any milk!”
The woman with a wry grin on her face responds…”Well of course I don’t.”
“I’m his aunt – but I’m SURE GLAD I brought him in!”
Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?” His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.” Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly … and for the same reason. Very soon they are all full of crap.
Credit:
A gentleman